Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Time Well Spent

*tis a bit lengthy, but a good read nonetheless!

"Its a long and lonely road, when you know you walk alone." -- that's how I feel a lot of times. Me and my other best friend we're talking about this and it inspired me to write a note. Just kinda been in a blah mood here lately {what's new?} because we got on the subject about how we're both just questioning a lot. How we stand in life, how we stand in other peoples'... And I agree with her on her feelings because I share a lot of them.

First addressing: -- every one AND thing is just hurtful.
I feel like I'm beside myself {except her, of course} when I say that I believe I was truly made different. No, not just because everyone is different because no sh_t I have blue eyes, you have brown. Everyone claims they're different but how many honestly have something to show for it? Not many. "When the only people who think you're worth anything are your family and your teachers, something has to be wrong. And maybe it's not everyone else, maybe it's not that they're wrong. maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I'm naive and ignorant and maybe I'll suffer for it. I just don't know how to please anyone or make people think. The decay of America and of society will never be repaired if people can't learn to respect and listen to each other without calling the other invalid or insignificant." - that last part is what I'm addressing first. I couldn't agree more. The fact that we can't live in this country without being bashed and discriminated for the way we choose to live. If you're black, you're a {n word}. If you're a mexican, you're automatically illegal. If you're gay/lesbian, you're going to hell, etc etc. If you're overweight, you're not worth someone's time. If you're gorgeous, you're a whore. If you're republican or democrat, it means you're satanic. If you live in a trailer, you're trailer trash. Yadda yadda, I could go on forever about the judgments that are made of people. But it still doesn't change the fact that you're being judged for superficial things.

Don't know what that means? I'll tell you. --> it means that when you love someone or try to find the capability to love someone, it shouldn't matter about their physical attributes or superficial traits. Money, vehicle, place of work, body fat percentage.. that does not make up a person. It just makes up how they look. And yes some people say attraction isn't everything but it's at least significant. Yeah, maybe. But my thing is, I believe TRUE attraction comes from within. Because what happens if that person gets cancer? Loses all their hair, loses so much weight.. then what, are you gonna stop loving them because they lost what attracted you in the first place? What about if you wanna marry one person; you have to realize that those things WILL die. The long blonde hair, the nice a$$, the nice chest, the six pack, the gorgeous smile.. -- your hair will change to gray. your a$$ won't always be firm. your chest will not always retain the shape it is now. your six pack will turn to flab after so many six packs. your teeth will get yellow and brittle.. all over time. So ask yourself, when so many people complain about wanting to find a soulmate or someone they can spend forever with - are you willing to let go of your criteria of strictly superficial things? Too many people live in the right now, instead of thinking ahead. And that's where you ALL GO WRONG.

Second addressing: -- having an opinion makes you irrelevant.
since when did it become a sin to have an opinion of something/someone? Oh that's right. Since the dawn of time. Just because society is so set on trying to get people to 'see the way they do' because it's the 'appropriate' way. Politics and religion, ESPECIALLY. This is what I rant about most though, situations like these. Republican vs. democrat; okay each side proves valid arguments for both, and both have their negative aspects. WHY BASH ON SOMEONE FOR LIKING THE OPPOSITE OF YOU? You believe what you believe, so why can't they? You believe you have the right to like who you like, so why can't they just because it's different? Stop being so hypocritical and naive. Throw in ignorant, too. I understand why people feud about this, but there is a difference between legitimate arguing and arguing just because you think you can. I don't belittle others for thinking/feeling how they want, and you shouldn't either. That's the beauty of the whole thing. IT - IS - AN - OPINION. If they can't have one, then you shouldn't be able to either.

Third addressing: -- being different as a whole.
I guess where I've been wrong all along is that I expect so much out of people, simply because I believe there is hope in everything that seems lost. And like I've stated in my previous note(s), most people consider me bitter. But hey, if that's your assumption then oh well. I love being in love. It is such a beautiful thing and I pray that I can find that again one day, and I mean REALLY find it! It's beautiful, scary, and everything in between. Knowing you can wake up every morning with someone who loves you for YOU, even if you wake up with a huge zit on the tip of your nose... there's no ifs and or buts.. it's wonderful. Not having to try so hard to get your point across with someone. Being able to be completely ridiculous with someone just as crazy. All of that is so beautiful. And I don't hate men, god I love how people assume that. I don't by any means. And I also don't think 'there are no good ones left' - there are, I see them everywhere. may not be my type, but they're there. I've just been hurt by two that I gave my everything to, and it's scarred me up a bit. I'm not saying I'm strung out on either one of them still because I'm not, it's just scary to think - "Wow I gave my all to them and this was the outcome.. I'm scared to do it again" - I think that's the biggest inhibition we, as humans, face. The confidence and motivation to open back up completely to some random person we've never experienced a relationship with before {most of the time*} It's scary knowing you could end up disappointed like every other time. But one disappointment leaves room for ten new opportunites. And it goes on and on. So idk if this note has spoken to you in any way, but to the person who is reading this - yes, love is scary. love is daring. bold. brilliant. terrifying. and a lot of hard work. Love is not defined as easy; LOVING someone may be, but keeping your love alive and making it work, is anything but.

Okay so in the process of writing this, my best friend just wrote a note and addressed SO MUCH that I was about to say! 'At sh_t cray.' -- this is why I love her. she feels what I feel.

Fourth addressing: being compassionate for people who don't deserve it.
I hate the way I feel about people. I really do I hate it. I see so much good in people, I'm so compassionate about them.. I love them all the same. Those who, to others, don't even deserve it. But the more and more I'm hurt by others I'm just trying to love or granted simply be a GOOD FRIEND to, the more I can't stand caring about them. I know my life would be so much easier if I could just not care. I look at everyone else who hates the human race, doesn't give a rat's a$$ about it.. they just go about their lives, floating on by.. and while I envy their mindset, I question how they can do that? I guess my subconscious and reality itself are at a constant battle royale with each other, and it seems like it will never end.

Fifth addressing: -- my non-existent, but near future children.
I plan to have children one day, even if it means raising them alone and being AI'd. Because children are such a big deal to me. To me, they are the glue that holds life together. And until you have them, your perspective on living is a whole lot different. Sometimes I really wish I could have a kid at my age because it would give me a reason to keep going; because seems all too often than not, each reason I thought I had is slowly disappearing. When I have children, I will raise them right. No this is not some 'how to parent your rambunctious child(ren)' type note, but I'm saying my child(ren) will know the difference in a lot of things. They will know respect. They will know forgiveness. They will know individuality. They will know how to accept and believe. But I will not try to conform him/her to be exactly like me. Even though they are FROM me, doesn't mean they will BE me. And similarly, I'm writing this like Addreonna. I know my son/daughter is gonna lie to me one day, just like I have lied to my mom. {after all it is my} And I'm not gonna be okay with it, but that's just a part of life. Raising children isn't always gonna be butterflies & giggles. But just as I am growing now, I know my child is gonna be confused about a lot. Who they want to be, what they want to do, how they want to live.. and I can only hope that I can set a good example for him/her. I can't even begin to imagine what this world is gonna be like once I do have children, but I hope like hell I can show them the right way of living and they won't succumb into some lifestyle that they hate, but follow because it's what seems 'appropriate'. I know my child is gonna get hurt, and most likely hurt a lot. He/she will set their happiness upon/in other things/people they shouldn't, and are going to be failed a lot in their lifetime - I just pray it's never by me. I will always encourage them with my full being, just as my mom has me, that being different is a beautiful, amazing thing.

Sixth addressing: -- trying to shape someone into what you want to see.
"Trying to change people is redundant. It's pointless to try and change a person. What's not pointless is letting them know that you love and support them no matter what they decide to do. It's letting them know that you're there no matter if what they're doing is hurting you or making you upset. It's learning how to deal with things in a respectable and understanding way and knowing how to handle a situation where two people don't agree with one another." ... I honestly could not put that any better {love you, Adgy-flan :D} --- trying your damndest to change someone takes away their authenticity. So what if they act different than you, are more laid back.. are more realistic. So what if they read the newspaper comics. If it's not something life threatening to you and it's minute compared to other problems that could be, why not just STFU and learn to deal with it? Because they're an amazing person, you know they are - especially if you find yourself saying 'they're great EXCEPT...' -- except what? Except they're not like what you're used to? they're not how you want them be? except they're different? Embrace it, don't degrade it. Take a chance sometime; you might find out you like the outcome.

So, to conclude my enormous rant - I guess I will say this. That I love those who are genuinely different. And I love those who classify themselves to be, but are simply just like the person their attitude portrays. Don't conform to what everyone else likes; because it gets you nowhere, and you'll constantly be traveling in the circle that you can't break free from. Be different, be YOU. You shouldn't have to change yourself in ANY way to have someone to notice you are worth their time. If you do, then they obviously - are not.

- Bubzy

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